My wife’s closeness to my best man has got his wife hot under the collar.Drive Hot News

A lady in an abusive relationship sharing her experience with a friend. Nobody should live in fear and allow their partner to constantly abuse them physically and emotionally. FILE PHOTO

Hi,
My wife and I have had a very friendly relationship with the best couple at our wedding for many years. However, they have had perennial quarrels. My best man approached my wife to advise his wife for the sake of unity in their family. It worked for a while, but has now backfired badly. His wife suspects that my wife is his secret lover, and therefore, a home breaker. I have no evidence and she has not provided any. She is not willing for us to sit down as two families to discuss the issue. I have also noted that my wife is close to her husband, but I have no evidence to back my suspicion. Our best maid wishes my wife would leave her husband alone. Is that possible? How do I deal with rumours and suspicion in marriage.

Hi,
I am glad you have called them rumours and suspicion. If, indeed, you have this great a relationship, don’t you think your best couple’s desire to get help from your wife should have included you? How could he involve your wife without your knowledge. Besides, how could your wife meet this man regularly without you being part of the plan. I find this an omission on both your part and his part.

Second, relationships can be messy and can at times hurt the very people who are supposed to be protected within them. I feel your current confusion. The mess that is starting to emerge can only be sorted out, first, by three people, namely you, your best man and your wife. Sit down together and set boundaries. This should be followed by a meeting between you and your wife, and your best couple. If the woman refuses to come to the discussion, then love her as a half of the couple, while encouraging them to seek help from a professional counsellor.

And if she doesn’t come, your wife and your best man should stop communicating. It will only add fuel to the fire.

I am fed up with my irresponsible drunkard

Dear Sir,

I am 36 and I have been married for 13 years. I have two lovely children. My husband is an irresponsible drunkard. When he’s working, he pays only the house rent, which is always in arrears. So to avoid being shamed, I pay.

He has been jobless for a year now, so I take care of all expenses. He gets casual jobs but when he is paid, he would occasionally buy a packet of milk, and then spend the rest on booze. I have asked my mother-in-law to talk to him but she is unconcerned.

Once, I took him to see a counsellor, but he later accused me of having tricked him into going there. Mark you, we had agreed on the visit. I am worried and I sometimes think of committing suicide.

For the last seven years, I have lived with bitterness. Now I hate marriage. When I talk to my parents, who are staunch Christians, they say God doesn’t like divorce, and that they cannot advocate for it.

Earlier, my husband used to be very violent when drunk and would beat me up badly – until the day I lied to him that I had reported him to the police, and that he would be arrested if he ever beat me again.

He has no time to discuss anything. He often comes home late and drunk. He told me he would not stop drinking.

When I suggest that we buy land and build a home, he tells me that the small house he built in his parents homestead is enough for him. I am confused. Please advise me because I want to leave this man.

Hi,

I empathise with you for all you have been through. It is unimaginable that you have endured this abuse and neglect for so long. However, given the amount of time you have sacrificed in this marriage, it seems your desire has always been to see it work.

I have two observations: First is your parents’ view of marriage. I really do not think their desire should be limited to having you committed to the marriage; they should also help ensure that there’s harmony in your marriage.

My second observation has to do with your decisions. What has kept you in the relationship this long? Is it fear of losing him, a desire to please your parents, or a commitment to seeing things work. The way things stand now, one can only hope they improve. However, he needs help, and so do you. But the decision must be mainly yours, with the support of your parents.

I am surprised that his parents can sit back and watch their son get consumed by alcoholism. If his parents don’t care, you need to take a step of faith and get him the much-needed help. If he turns violent because you have sought help for him, sit down with your parents and determine your next course of action. Nobody should live in fear and allow their partner to constantly abuse them physically and emotionally.

Will she keep hiding things from me?

Dear Kitoto,

I am in a dilemma. My friend, Mary, and I have known each other for six months. One of the first things we sought to know about each other within two months of meeting was past relationships and sexual experiences. We had an open discussion about the two issues and we were both comfortable with each other’s past.

The latest sexual experience for each of us was seven years ago, while the last relationship had ended more than a year earlier. We moved on with our friendship, which was very enjoyable and fulfilling.

Then, while discussing a relationship article in a local daily, Mary gave very brief responses to my questions. Unable to sustain a conversation on the topic, we moved on to other issues, but she promised to explain why she was uncomfortable with the topic. The following day, as we began our conversation, Mary changed her mind and said she could not wait until the weekend to discuss the issue bothering her; she told me she had had sex (once) in 2012 and stopped communicating with the man soon after. She had no reason for not having disclosed this information earlier. We are in a long-distance relationship, so all our communications are via chats and phone calls.

My questions are:

a) Why did Mary not reveal this affair earlier? I am shocked and confused.

b) Should I trust her again?

c) Is there a possibility that she will not disclose vital information on time during our relationship, or even in marriage?

d) How can we build trust?

Tom

Hi,
Some of the key pointers to a growing, authentic relationship are:

1) Open communication: Each partner should speak as honestly and freely as possible. Holding back information might appear like betrayal. Partners who keep secrets at times fear that revealing such secrets might cause lasting damage to the relationship, a possibility they are not willing to face.

2) Faithfulness: The partners must build a relationship based on mutual trust. A relationship in which the partners are concerned about each other will most likely create a climate where selfish, individualistic agendas are put aside for the sake of enhancing the relationship.

3) Relational Intelligence: This is where we question the state of the relationship, including the things we find strange or incompatible with our ideas about the relationship.

In your case, the question would be whether there was a selfish agenda behind her decision not to share the information earlier. Was it that she feared how you would react? Remember that it looked okay earlier because both of you had been sexually involved in the distant past. I cannot say that I know her reason(s) for not sharing this information earlier. It will remain a matter of speculation until you ask her.

However, when she tells you the reason, do not to use it against her. Acceptance is key in bringing healing. Accept that both of you erred but are willing to make this relationship work. Remember, no one is perfect. We are all work in progress. Holding this view helps us remain kind to those who wrong us. When you accept someone, it is easier to forgive and start on the next chapter of building trust. Trust is not easy to build.

Here are some simple steps to doing it: 1) Accept that the other person betrayed your trust. 2) Acknowledge that we are all weak and fail from time to time. 3) Assure the other person of your desire to begin on a clean slate. 4) Hold each other accountable to a new way of relating that creates a climate of freedom and trust. 5) Refuse to look at them through their past failures. 6) Commit to living a value-based life.

How do I tame my high sexual urge?

Hello Mr Kitoto,

I’m a man in my early 30s. In the recent past, I have developed an abnormal urge for sex. Whenever I see a beautiful woman, my little Johnny will not hesitate to salute, and mostly, I end up having sex with them, irrespective of their marital status. Is there a remedy for my sexual urge. I fear I might get Aids if my sexual urge overwhelms me.

Please help.

Hi,
It is not abnormal to desire sex or be attracted to a person of the opposite sex. This is how we were created. However, sex has to be enjoyed within the confines of the institution for which it was created.

I am glad you have realised that your actions could lead to your contracting HIV, or any other sexually transmitted disease. This is one thing that should make you fear and run. The truth about HIV infections is as scary as it is haunting. I believe that you concur and will exercise self-control since no one else can do it for you. Self-control does not kill your urge for sex; it helps you not to misuse sex. Self-control enables you to channel your desire for sex in living a life that will lead you to honour and respect for sex within marriage.

I can’t help pining for the man I lost

Hi Phillip,

I was in love with a man living abroad, who would visit several times. We spent precious time together, although we never got intimate because I was still in school. The man used to spoil me with gifts and take me out to dinner – everything a girl deserved. 
Then, in January this year — by then I had finished school and was working — things fell apart when he went back abroad and stopped communicating. My question is, will he ever come back into my life? I think about him every now and then and pretend that everything is over but it has been almost a year now. Am I crazily in love?

Hi,

It is important for you to be sure about the reasons that would make him come back to you. Does he have any reason to come back? If he does, he will. But what I get from your email is that there was some level of fantasy that might not have included serious negotiations on why you needed each other. If you both had enough reason to fall in love, then this commitment should have been followed by ways in which you would conduct your long-distance relationship.

I believe that if this man really valued you and felt the way you feel about him, he should have shown it. For him to be away from you for a year and not communicate is not normal. So you need to know what you are looking for in this relationship. Once you do, both of you will be able to handle each other better. At the moment, he is relating to you on his terms. Don’t allow yourself into a relationship where you play second fiddle. You have feelings, wants and desires that must be addressed. However, the way you handle yourself from here will be key in determining the quality of your relationships

‘Sasa supuu?’ For Kenyan women, street harassment has become a way of life.Drive Hot News

Women protest on Kenyatta Avenue in Nairobi on November 17, 2014 against women harassment, demanding the arrest of the men who stripped a lady naked. When you are a woman in Nairobi — and indeed many other urban centres in Kenya — you get used to harassment. Fast. PHOTO .

Mwende Ngao was walking the short distance to her Nairobi home after alighting from a matatu one evening after work. It was just a few minutes past 7pm, and she reasoned that she should be safe enough, given that there were motorists on the road and the occasional boda boda.

Besides, her home was just 10 minutes away and the walkway was well lit.

She was just a few minutes into her walk when she noticed a man walking behind her.

“He was walking slowly and I did not suspect anything fishy at first,” remembers the 26-year-old writer and filmmaker.

“I decided to walk slower and let him pass, but he started walking even slower. So I decided to speed up, and he sped up too, until he was walking right beside me.”

Getting nervous but struggling to keep her cool, Mwende resigned herself to the situation and allowed the man to walk beside her.

“He said hi to me and I decided to be polite enough and say hi back. I thought the matter would end there, but he started chatting me up,” she says.

BAD ANSWER

She had noticed that she and her unwanted companion were the only pedestrians on the road. So, fearing for her safety should she ignore the man, she decided to indulge him.

“He was friendly, until he asked me for my mobile phone number and I refused. I considered giving him a fake contact but since he had his phone out, I knew he would dial the number immediately and I feared he would get angry if he realised I had tried to fool him.

So I picked what I thought was the lesser evil and just said no to him,” she explains.

But she was soon to find out that there was no “right” way of dealing with the problematic stranger on her case. He got so angry at her refusal that he pushed her to the ground, then towered over her and started raining insults on her.

“Look what you made me do!” he barked as he taunted her in between the insults. “You Nairobi women are so proud! Who do you think you are?”

He then sneered and walked away, leaving Mwende to pick herself up and run the few remaining metres to her gate.

CAT-CALLED 108 TIMES
Mwende’s story sounds familiar, probably because you know so many women to whom something similar has happened. This type of story no longer stands out or shocks, it is just part of the landscape.

When you are a woman in Nairobi — and indeed many other urban centres in Kenya — you get used to harassment. Fast.

You learn to expect it of men, to ignore and block it. You learn to resign yourself to the fact that it is there to stay and there is nothing you can do about it.

A recent video posted on YouTube re-ignited the topic of cat-calling and unsolicited attention towards women.

The video showed a woman in her 20s, dressed in a pair of jeans and a T-shirt, walking down the streets of New York.

In the 10 hours of footage that was captured on camera, this woman was cat-called 108 times in a single day.

STREET HARASSMENT
One of the men followed her around for six minutes, while another kept at her for five minutes, asking for her number and making conversation.

She did not respond or react to these unsolicited and unwanted overtures in any way, and the video served to bring the street harassment conversation to Kenya, where it sparked heated discussions on social media.

Many women, like Mwende, were quick to share their experiences of unwanted attention and cat-calling on the streets of Nairobi, painting a clearer picture of what it means for a woman to walk the streets unaccompanied.

We label cat-calling street harassment because it fits this definition given by Stop Street Harassment, a non-profit organisation dedicated to documenting, addressing and ending gender-based street harassment worldwide:

“Street harassment is any action or comment between strangers in public places that is disrespectful, unwelcome, threatening and/or harassing, and is motivated by gender or sexual orientation or gender expression.

PRIVACY VIOLATION
Because women’s opinions on the subject are widely known, we sought to find out what men think about the issue.

Ashford Kariuki, a 40-year-old living in Nairobi, says he has witnessed his share of street harassment.

“I have seen women get cat-called as they pass. I have heard men make remarks about women’s bodies, some quite rude and unsavoury; and I have also seen men grab a woman’s hand if cat-calling is not successful,” says Kariuki, adding that such behaviour “is a violation of a woman’s privacy” and should not happen at all.

“Women should not be made to feel unsafe on the streets,” he says.

So, does he tell his male friends not to do it? Yes, he does, but the reasons are less than kosher.

“Sometimes I tell men not to harass a woman because they might get embarrassed if she does not respond as they expect,” he explains.

He does not think that his statement turns men into victims in this equation. However, he agrees that once a woman is cat-called or harassed, any response she gives — or does not give — just exposes her to more harassment.

“If a woman ignores the perpetrator, she gets insulted. If she responds, she is opening herself to further unwanted advances from the man.

Simply put, she can’t win,” he says with a shrug.

CAPTURING ATTENTION
Twenty six-year-old Altonel Asava, a Nairobi-based DJ, is of the opinion that what is termed as street harassment is sometimes just a man’s way of catching a woman’s attention. He does not think there is anything wrong with it.

“I have in the past tried getting a girl’s attention by just randomly telling her that she looks good and that she is beautiful,” he says.

His standard line? “Sasa supuu, habari ya leo?” which loosely translates to, ”Hey, beautiful, how are you today?”

He says that he has not received a bad reaction so far, and that most of the girls end up being his friends. He, however, says that if they walk away, he lets them go and does not bother them any more.

This form of appreciation of a girl’s looks is a view that many of the men we spoke to share, although they declined to lend their names or faces to their sentiments.

One, in particular, was of the opinion that some girls deserve whatever level of street harassment they get because of the way they dress.

Unfortunately, some men are not content with just verbally reprimanding a woman for what they see as indecent dressing.

They will go as far as assaulting her, as witnessed in recent incidents of men stripping women naked over what they deemed as “indecent dressing”.

GENDER-BASED VIOLENCE
In the first incident posted online two weeks ago, touts surrounded a woman as she walked along a Nairobi street, stripped her to a vest, and then ultimately tore her panties off, leaving her exposed even as she unsuccessfully tried to wrap her torn skirt around her nakedness.

A short video of the incident ends with the woman walking away from the scene with a scarf wrapped around her waist, presumably given to her by a well-wisher.

So serious is street harassment that the United Nations has recognised it as a form of gender-based violence and a gross violation of human rights.

In its 2013 report, the United Nation Commission of the Status of Women included several clauses concerning harassment of women in public places.

The commission expressed “deep concern about violence against women and girls in public spaces”, including “sexual harassment,

especially when it is being used to intimidate women and girls who are exercising any of their rights and fundamental freedoms.”

The commission also expanded the definition of gender-based violence to stress that violence against women meant any act of gender-based violence that resulted in, or was likely to result in, physical, sexual or psychological harm or suffering to women and girls, including threats of such acts, coercion or arbitrary deprivation of liberty, whether occurring in public or in private life.

PROVOCATIVE DRESSING
Violence against women and girls is characterised by the use and abuse of power and control in public and private spheres, and is intrinsically linked to gender stereotypes that underlie and perpetuate such violence, as well as other factors that can increase women’s and girls’ vulnerability to such violence.

Counselling psychologist and university lecturer Josephine Muthamia feels that the kind of men who would strip a woman regardless of how scantily dressed she is have psychological issues that need therapy.

“These men have low self-esteem and no respect for themselves, and so they take it out on unsuspecting victims. A scantily dressed woman provides easy prey for them to act out,” she says.

“The blame for harassment lies squarely with the man who does it. Everyone has a right to their space and no man should violate that space.”

However, Loise Noo, also a counselling psychologist, is not so quick to absolve women of responsibility.

“The way a woman dresses might sometimes cause her to be harassed. It is not a popular view among gender activists, but it is the truth,” she asserts. “A provocatively dressed woman makes herself vulnerable to abuse.”

MALE CHAUVINISM
Noo explains that most harassment is contextualised and happens because of the play of power in man-woman relationships.

She, however, acknowledges that there are instances of street harassment that are purely because of psychological imbalances in the man, or what she terms as “personality disorders”.

Dr Stephen Wahome, a counselling psychologist, rather than reduce street harassment into a simple, black-and-white problem with easy fixes, splits it into a complex, multi-dimensional issue that has its roots in culture and social bearing.

“The most easily identifiable factor is male chauvinism, where a man feels that women are lesser beings, and so he is entitled to their space and bodies,” says Dr Wahome.

“However, we cannot ignore the cultural aspect of the problem, which is that men have been conditioned to go after women since time immemorial. They are seen and accepted as the initiators of courtship.

The problem, therefore, is how they choose to do it, not that they are doing it.”

It was in response to the growing harassment of women in urban centres that UN Habitat launched the Safer Cities Programme.

It seeks to make public spaces safe for women, says Juma Assiago, the Nairobi coordinator.

SAFE STREETS

The initiative was introduced in Nairobi in 2005, and works closely with city planners to ensure that they take into account women’s safety when mapping streets and designing walkways.

For example, Safer Cities rehabilitated Mama Ngina Street, changing it from a two-way into a one-way traffic street, widening the walkway and lighting it, thus making it safer for women.

“Mama Ngina is now one of the safest streets in Nairobi. We are hoping that the City Council, through its planning office, uses Mama Ngina as a model for reforming other streets,” says Assiago, adding that their next project is to make Eastleigh safer for women because they have realised that,

“Once women, especially school girls, alight at the bus stop, they cannot make their way home safely because the inner streets are dangerous”.

“Our plan is to reform the matatu transit system in the neighbourhood by contracting women on the ground to identify danger spots and transmit this information to us via a mobile phone application called Safety Pin.

We will then use this information to make recommendations to the city planners about what they need to do to make Eastleigh safer,” he says.

The project is expected to start in January next year, along with a safety audit of Nairobi County to identify the most dangerous spots for the metropolis’ harassed women.

$100m up for grabs as transporters eye Dart.Drive Hot News

Dar es Salaam. The Dar es Salaam Rapid Transit (Dart), the first public transport mode of its kind in Sub-Saharan Africa, will be a business worth $100million (Sh165.6 billion) a year when its start operating in June, next year, The Citizen has learnt.

This means all private operators licensed to operate Dart will be scrambling for $100 million revenue yearly during the first phase of the project—and the earnings will surge when more routes are fully completed.

It is not clear how much of this money will go to the government’s coffers in terms of taxes.

In a city with about 95,000 minibuses that operate recklessly, the current Dart route will enable private operators of modern passenger buses to ferry an estimated 460,000 people a day.

Based on this number of expected passengers a day, Dart’s initial assessment of market demand suggests that transport operators stand to earn a minimum of Sh165.6 billion each year in the first phase of the project. The earnings of companies will depend on operational efficiency.

A Dart infrastructure engineer, Mr Moses Nyoni, said on Monday that a preliminary market demand analysis had shown that at least 460,000 passengers would be transported each day at a minimum fare of Sh500 in the first phase of the project.

This implies that if all operators are to charge a minimum of Sh500, they will jointly collect a total of Sh460 million per day on a return ticket—translating into a minimum of Sh13.8 billion each month or a total of Sh165.6 billion each year.

“These charges are fair, given the fact that currently many Dar es Salaam residents who use commuter buses spend at least Sh2,000 a day.,” he told delegates at the Metropolitan Lab event who toured the project on Monday. “We have done market demand analysis and established that the fare structure is affordable and cost recoverable.”

Fares range from Sh500 on a normal route but those seeking connecting routes will pay between Sh700 and Sh900. The first phase of the project, which will reduce traffic jams in city roads, includes the 20.9 kilometre busways from Kimara terminal to Kivukoni area, Msimbazi road from Fire to Kariakoo-Gerezani area and part of Kawawa Road from Magomeni to Morocco junction, as well as 27 stations, five terminals and three bus depots.

According to Mr Nyoni, the demand for the services is projected to rise year after year in line with project development and reliability of the services offered.

The project will also include a tender for procurement of buses with unique specifications, construction of three depots at Ubungo, Jangwani and Kariakoo, tender for collection of fares and collection of extra revenue from the shopping centres at the terminals and depots.

The Dart chief executive officer, Ms Asteria Mlambo, said they are set to announce an interim tender for service providers no later than the end of this year

Bhanji now accused of assaulting fellow Tanzania Eala member.Drive Hot News

 Ms Shy-Rose Bhanji

Nairobi/Arusha. Kenyan police are investigating an incident in which a Tanzanian member of the East African Legislative Assembly (Eala) allegedly assaulted a fellow lawmaker and compatriot in Nairobi on Tuesday.

Ms Shy-Rose Bhanji allegedly confronted and hit Dr Nderakindo Kessy outside the debating chamber. Ms Bhanji could not be reached for comment yesterday.

Eala insiders linked the incident with the dispute pitting members who want to oust Eala Speaker Margaret Zziwa against those supporting the embattled Ugandan head of the assembly.

Ms Zziwa, who was elected in 2012, has since earlier this year been battling accusations of incompetence, nepotism and intimidation of lawmakers and staff.

Dr Kessy said in the statement she recorded at Parliament Police Station that Ms Bhanji attacked her shortly after the assembly was adjourned following its official opening on Tuesday.

Eyewitnesses, including some Eala MPs, said Ms Bhanji first elbowed Dr Kessy as they filed out of the hall.

Dr Kessy told The Citizen by telephone yesterday that was treated at a nearby hospital and her back was still painful.

On Monday, Dr Kessy read out a resolution in which some MPs vowed to continue with their push to remove the Speaker and punish Ms Bhanji for alleged misconduct.

Dr Kessy is the secretary of the “Crisis Committee” formed by some Eala MPs in Kigali last month to push for the removal of Ms Zziwa as speaker and Ms Bhanji from the Eala Commission.

Tanzanian MPs are required to reach a consensus on the leadership crisis and the pending motion to remove Ms Bhanji as a commission member.

Ms Bhanji was accused, among other things, of being drunk and disorderly, on a flight to Brussels last month, but she said in Dar last week that her detractors had not put the accusations in writing and were just engaging in “gossip”.

“If indeed I was drunk and violent on the plane, I would have been arrested and charged in accordance with international air safety regulations. This did not happen…these allegations are false. This is part of a character assassination plot that is now in top gear following my refusal to be part of the group that wants to impeach Zziwa,” she said.

Ronaldo made to do washing up after poker loss.Drive Hot News

 Brazilian footballer Ronaldo was made to do the washing up at a casino after losing a game of poker to Rafa Nadal. PHOTO|

Brazilian footballer Ronaldo lost out in a head-to-head poker match against Rafa Nadal, which saw the tennis player earn $50,000 for his charity and the former soccer star left doing the washing up.

The 38-year-old former footballer came unstuck against the Spanish tennis star during a head-to-head match on the PokerStars table in London's Hippodrome Casino last night (18.11.14), which saw Nadal walk away with $50,000 for his charity, the Rafa Nadal Foundation.

A source told BANG Showbiz: "The only thing that came close to being in a room with two of the biggest sporting legends of all time was the food served up at the event.

"The best thing of all according to guests, however, was perhaps Ronaldo's forfeit for losing the game - he was officially given the boot by being tasked with washing up Nadal's Spanish feast."

Nadal organised for his favourite Spanish restaurant, Cambio De Tercio, to cater the event and the eatery treated guests to a selection of tasty treats including eight-hour roasted tomatoes with basil caviar, Iberico ham croquettes with thyme tomato jus and chorizo of Spanish Wagyu beef.

Kenyans in the US illegally expected to benefit from Obama move on immigration.Drive Hot News

 The US-Mexico border wall in Calexico, California, on November 19, 2014. US President Barack Obama plans to announce executive action on immigration reform Thursday evening. As many as five million undocumented immigrants could, on a temporary basis, be granted work permits and exempted from deportation.

Thousands of Kenyans living in the United States illegally are waiting with bated breath as President Barack Obama prepares to deliver a speech on Thursday touching on undocumented immigrants.

On Wednesday, the White House announced that President Obama would deliver a key speech on Thursday on the matter at a high school in the state of Nevada.

In the speech, he is expected to outline the actions he intends to take to allow over five million undocumented immigrants to live in the US.

The move would allow the immigrants to stay in the US, at least temporarily, without the threat of deportation.

The planned move has drawn criticism from his political detractors across the United States and beyond.

For the past two weeks, Republicans in Congress have been looking at ways to stop Obama from carrying out these anticipated actions, arguing that only Congress should initiate such moves through legislation.

RELIEF FROM DEPORTATION
And although the contents of his speech — expected later in the day in Las Vegas — had not been made public by Thursday morning, most people the Nation spoke to were optimistic that Kenyans and other immigrants would benefit from the anticipated executive order.

On Thursday, US mainstream media reported that President Obama was poised to give relief from deportation to millions of undocumented immigrants who are parents of US citizens or of permanent legal residents, quoting sources familiar with White House deliberations.

The controversial executive order is likely to stress that he wants to focus efforts on deportations of illegal residents with serious criminal backgrounds and explain why the president has found it prudent to circumvent Congress.

Mr Obama has repeatedly warned that he would take unilateral steps to fix immigration problems “because Republicans in Congress have refused to pass legislation”.

He also has said that even with his unilateral steps, Congress could still replace his measures with permanent legislation.

When Mr Obama became president in 2008, many Kenyans, and indeed other nationals living in the US illegally, pegged their hopes of becoming legal residents on the Democratic Party’s good will.

However, Republicans and other opponents of comprehensive immigration reforms have consistently opposed Mr Obama’s propositions.

STUDENT VISAS

Many Kenyans living in the US came here on student visas but opted to pursue other opportunities without regularising their immigration status.

They have, for years, failed to travel to Kenya for both social and business purposes because of fears that they would be unable to regain entry to the US.

“When people get the proper documentation, it gives them the ability to release money to invest knowing that they can come back and see what is being done,” said Ihara Kihara, a Kenyan who used to live in the US but has since relocated back to Kenya.

President Obama has been pushing Congress to act on what is referred to as a “broken" immigration system. In a recent speech in Washington, DC, Mr Obama said the time had come for him to act.

“The time has come for common-sense, comprehensive immigration reform. The time is now,” he said.

Talk about comprehensively reforming the US immigration system has stirred hope among Kenyans living illegally in the world’s biggest economy that they could finally be on the path to attaining legal status.

The move would help them travel freely, spurring investments in their motherland and unlocking their potential in their adopted land.

'VERY PRODUCTIVE'

Last year, Kenya’s then ambassador to the US, Elkanah Odembo, said attaining legal status for the thousands of Kenyans in the US would greatly benefit their motherland.

“This can only be good because a significant number of Kenyans do not have their legal papers and many of (them) are very productive,” said Mr Odembo in a telephone interview.

“Many of the Kenyans living in the US and who are out of status went as students from the 1990s and, for a variety of reasons, did not return home when their visas expired,” added the envoy.

Opponents of a blanket amnesty have argued that it is unfair to give legal status to those who have broken the law while those who have “been waiting in line to come to the US legally are denied a chance”.

Negative Vibes Force Andy Mwesigwa to Quit Uganda Cranes.Drive Hot News

A source that was inside the Uganda Cranes hotel has exclusively reveales negative vibes have forced veteran captain Andy Mwesigwa to quit international football bringing an end his disappointing 10 year national career.
Neither the Kamuli man nor Chrispus Muyinda, the Uganda Cranes manager has made any official announcement yet.
The impeachable revelation from inside the team Hotel Casablanca Le Lido Thalasso & Spa in Morocco insists that constant debates surrounding the player’s dismissal performance that blew apart Uganda’s Nations Cup qualification dreams on Wednesday against Guinea.
“He has already taken the decision because there are ongoing unwelcome debates about him. He has made up his mind and it was just a matter of time, when he makes the announcement,” our source reveals.
It was a Mwesigwa rough tackle that resulted in the opening goal before the central defender also dragged down an advancing striker for a penalty.
“Andy is an emotional person. I’m sure the decision he has taken is the right one for his country and him,” he says.
Uganda surrendered the second Group E slot in next year’s finals to Guinea in a match that also had Mwesigwa sent off
Mwesigwa in his 30s is said to be in a bad state apparently. He is so disturbed with a lot going through his mind that he may consider not returning with the team to Kampala.
Former Cranes star Tom Lwanga is among the many voices urging Mwesigwa to throw in the towel because he nolonger has nothing much to offer.
His peers former skipper Ibrahim Sekagya, Nestory Kizito and David Obua retired after Uganda painfully lost to Zambia (2013 Afcon qualification) on penalty shoot outs at Namboole in which he missed a decisive penalty.
Short Bio: Andrew Mwesigwa born 24 April 1984 at Kamuli, Uganda. Andy was born to mother Catherine Rachael Namuwaja a nurse and Father Vincent Muyego a retired Solider. He is a Ugandan international footballer who plays professionally for Kazakh side FC Ordabasy, as a defender. Mwesigwa began his career in 2002 with Ugandan side Villa SC, before moving to Icelandic club ÍBV in 2006. After spending the 2010 season with Chinese side Chongqing Lifan, in February 2011 he signed two-year contract with Kazakhstan Premier League side FC Ordabasy

Pastor Tries To Walk On Water Like Jesus, Drowns In Front Of His Congregation.Drive Hot News

Walking on water is not easy.  Not too many people have the ability. 


Let’s see, there’s Jesus, and well, that’s about it.  Unfortunately for one pastor on the West Coast of Africa, his attempt to become the second man to make this impossible feat a reality cost him his life.
Pastor Franck Kabele, 35, told his congregation that he was capable of reenacting the very miracles of Jesus Christ.  He decided to make it clear through way of demonstration on Gabon’s beach in the capital city of Libreville.
Referencing Matthew 14:22-33, Kabele said that he received a revelation which told him that with enough faith he could achieve what Jesus was able to.
According to an eyewitness, Kabele took his congregation out to the beach.  He told them that he would cross the Kombo estuary by foot, which is normally a 20 minute boat ride.
Sadly by the second step into the water Kabele found himself completely submerged.  He never returned.
This is not the first incident of this nature in Africa.  At Ibadon zoo in south-west Nigeria, a self-proclaimed Prophet claimed to be able to do what the Daniel of the bible did by walking into a den full of lions.
Though he was warned numerous times by zoo keepers, according to NG Newspapers, the Prophet thought of them as nothing more than enemies of progress.  The Prophet, with a crowd of people watching, put on a long red robe and proceeded to enter the cage full of lions.
Within seconds of opening the door, the lions ripped the Prophet from flesh to bone.  The bible should come with a warning label, “Don’t try this at home.

You can turn a bad beginning into a great ending.Drive Hot News

 There is a saying where I come from that, translated to English would read: “The only bad beginning is the tip of a spear.” PHOTO| FILE|.

There is a saying where I come from that, translated to English would read: “The only bad beginning is the tip of a spear.”

Put in familiar language, it means that a beginning can be bad, in fact, very bad, but if it does not kill you (as the tip of a spear would), then you have a chance to progress to a wonderful end.

But this does not just happen; rather, you have to make it happen. So, how can you ensure that the bad beginning in your relationship does not condemn you to the doldrums? Here are a few thoughts.

Let me begin by pointing out the obvious, that a poor beginning is one of the major causes of unhappiness in relationships.

In fact in some cases, people wrap up all the problems they are experiencing in their relationship with statements like “we started badly”, suggesting that a bad beginning is the source of their problems.

But is this really the case?

Jeannette moved in with her boyfriend when she got pregnant, only for her parents to kick her out.

She had no job, and since her boyfriend was willing to take her in, she decided to move in with him. A few months later, she discovered she was not only pregnant, she was also infected with an sexually transmitted disease that led to the loss of her pregnancy.

Soon after this, she found out that her boyfriend was seeing other women, but when she decided to leave, he pleaded with her not to end the relationship, and promised to change.

She agreed to stay on two conditions, that the two would see a counselor, and that he would show his commitment by starting the official process of marriage. Seven years down the line, she has no regrets because change he did, and they are both happy together.

Can we learn some lessons from her story?

The first one is that it is important to acknowledge that relationships sometimes begin on a discouraging note.

This often happens because we make the mistake of rushing into a relationship because of the circumstances we are in, because it is convenient, not because we think the relationship is right for us.

When we do that, what we end up with is regret, helplessness, and feeling trapped in an unhappy relationship. 

Second, if you’re in such a situation, it is important to have a positive attitude. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that the best relationships thrive because people believe in themselves, their partners and the relationship, in spite of the circumstances.

Jeannette decided to be positive about the possibility of change in her boyfriend, and by setting certain conditions; she set this change in motion.

Thirdly, act, but do so reasonably. Unfortunately, in many cases, relationships break down because of unreasonable demands by a partner. In cases close to our illustration, I have heard of couples who deliberately withhold intimacy, money or both, to teach their spouses a ‘lesson’ or get back at them for doing something that displeased them.

This might be acceptable if the two of you discuss it and come to an agreement, but there should be a clear understanding of what is expected to happen during that period, otherwise it becomes punitive, rather than rehabilitative. 

There must be many stories with bad beginnings out there, but the moral of this story is this: do not let a bad beginning turn your relationship into the proverbial ‘jela la mapenzi’ (prison of love).

If you are truly in love, you have the capacity to give your story another ending, a much happier ending. Go for it.

This is what you need to know about dental products.Drive Hot News

 Are you using the right toothbrush? What about toothpaste? When it comes to dental care, how, how often, and how long you brush your teeth also matters. PHOTO| FILE

Are you using the right toothbrush? What about toothpaste? When it comes to dental care, how, how often, and how long you brush your teeth also matters.

When choosing a toothbrush, bristles are the main factor you should consider.

Choose a toothbrush with soft or medium-soft bristles, since they spread easily during brushing - stiff or hard bristles can cause abrasions in your gums.

The shape and size of the tooth brush should fit well in your mouth, to allow you to reach every corner of the mouth with ease.

It is also important to replace your tooth brush every six months. This is recommended because with time, the bristles bend, making them less effective at cleaning.

Additionally, a tooth brush gets dirty over time, since it is not being sterilised, and therefore needs to be changed frequently to avoid passing on infection.

Toothpaste

When it comes to toothpaste, buy one that contains fluoride – fluoride gets rid of plaque. Besides, it also strengthens the tooth enamel and protects teeth from decay.

A dentist can recommend suitable toothpaste in case you have sensitive teeth.

Dental floss

Flossing is also important since it helps remove plaque and food particles stuck between the teeth and below the gum line, where a toothbrush cannot reach.

Dental floss is simply a thin, soft thread made of plastic or nylon material. It may come flavoured, unflavoured, waxed, unwaxed, wide or regular in size.

Whichever type you choose, the degree of cleanliness and effectiveness at removing the plaque is the same as long as you use it in the right way. If you have bigger spaces between your teeth, wider floss will work well for you.

However, for those with closely spaced teeth, narrow floss is easier to use. Also, waxed floss is best for closely packed teeth, since it glides in easily.

Mouth washes or rinses

Before you start using a mouthwash or mouth rinse, it is important that you understand what exactly it does.

Some mouth washes contain fluoride, which offers anti-cavity advantage; some have ingredients that kill germs, and therefore prevent formation of plaque; while some freshen breath.

However, according to Dr Johnson Wambugu, a dentist, mouth washes are not really necessary, and are just used as an aid.

If you brush your teeth twice a day, floss daily, and go for regular dental checkups, then you do not need mouth wash, which is often expensive.

A dentist may however recommend mouth wash in some cases; for example after surgery, to remove plaque, or if one has gum disease.

Care should be taken when using mouthwashes because some cause tooth discolouration if used for long. Some also contain alcohol.

Of course, this type of mouth wash may not be right for children if you are buying for family use. For those who want a mouthwash that prevents plaque formation, choose one that contains anti-plaque ingredients.

The bottom line is, you do not have to buy expensive products to look after your teeth – simply go for regular dental checkups, and brush and floss your teeth.

Gossip:Zimbabwe Man Dies Of Too Much Excitement During Sex With Prostitute.Drive Hot News

A postmortem on a disabled man who died in a prostitute’s apartment in Bulawayo revealed the cause of death as ‘excitement,’ a relative of the deceased testified yesterday.

Testifying during the inquest on the death of Mazo Mugura (41), Charles Gonda of Southwold said the pathologist who examined the corpse indicated the cause of death as ‘excitement’ but failed to ascertain what had triggered it.

Mugura, who stayed in Emganwini in the city, died on October 28 last year in Belinda Chikerema’s home at Yolande Flats, between Connaught and Masotsha Ndlovu, along Robert Mugabe Way.

Chikerema told the court that Mugura, who had one of his legs amputated and used crutches to aid him in walking, approached her at a local bar, requesting for her services for the night and they left together at around 2150hrs for her flat in a taxi.

In his testimony yesterday, Gonda claimed that Mugura was drugged. “The pathologist’s report showed that the deceased died due to excitement, but it was not clear where the excitement came from,” he said.

“According to my own assessment, ‘excitement’ means something foreign came into the deceased’s body which resulted in his heart pumping above normal and as a result his veins could not sustain the pressure. It was the duty of the doctors to find out what the substance was. The pathologists withheld that information from us.”

Responding to the prosecutor, Jeremiah Mutsindikwa who asked why a pathologist would withhold such important information, Gondo said he was clueless.

“For reasons best known to them, we were only told it was a sudden death,” he said.

During last week’s session of the inquest, Mugura’s widow, Lizzy Lunga, said she suspected the lady of the night drugged her disabled spouse so she could extract semen.

Gondo yesterday concurred with Lunga, saying he believed there were illicit dealings that were taking place at Chikerema’s apartment.

“While we waited for the body to be collected I noticed a lot of movement at the flat. There were people coming in and going out, driving top of the range vehicles. I have the same belief that semen was extracted from him. I believe there was an ‘operation’ going on there. She did not only offer sexual services, but was probably in the business of extracting semen, maybe for ritual purposes. He was injected and he succumbed to the drug,” he said