Saturday, 30 March 2013

Plz dont miss this,Hyena Lands On His First Cut, Bonks Her............







Red Pepper Online











 Many things have been said about people we loose our virginity to; that the first cut is always the deepest. Thank God I found when my wife was still a virgin- that means that I will always be her first cut. Back those days, we went to play soccer against Lango College at Aki Bua Stadium in Lira. It was a tough match and there were over 20 schools from within the area that had come to support their fellow Langis.

As we were on the Tata lorry, one Langi chic, Akaa, promised that if I score more than 4 goals, she would allow me to taste her sweetness.
This girl’s father was a commander of Obote’s forces in Hoima then. She was the only student who would be dropped at school in an army landrover and for that matter, no boy dared ask her out. Somehow, she had become my friend and I guess she had a liking for me. She actually got jealous when she saw other babes talking to me or getting close to me.

When we got to Lira, she took us to her home on Soroti Road near the Post Office. As we got ready to get onto the pitch, she reminded me of our deal.
Within the 5th second, I had scored my first goal, I had to work for the other 3 more now. On the 44th second, I scored another one!
In the 2nd half, I became a Maradona! When I attacked for my 3rd goal, the Langi’s became mad. They tightened their defence but wapi! I had to go through 14 legs as the Banyoro girls screamed for my dear life.

”Mutatwitira Hyenaaaa!” (don’t hurt our dear Hyena).
When the goalkeeper couldn’t help it any more, he decided to box me but as he hit me, I managed to kick the ball through his legs into the net. The man almost killed me! He was a giant and I couldn’t fight back.

7minutes towards the end of the game, I scored my 4th goal and our supporters became crazy. The Langis couldn’t stomach it, they started exchanging blows with us- that marked the end of the game.
We decided to have our celebrations inside the stadium since it was near the police station.
As the rest were busy scrambling for the 2 he-goats that were slaughtered, I was at Akaa’s home feasting on the best meal I had ever had!
Her grandmother had prepared their traditional delicacy which was as sweet as her grand daughter- I presumed.

I just couldn’t wait to have her. After supper, they showed me my bed and I slept. Akaa meanwhile was going to share a bedroom with her grandmother and I was wondering how I would be able to have her. I sneaked into their bedroom at about midnight and since her mattress was on the floor, I joined her stealthily.

Thank God she wasn’t putting on knickers. I snaked my hand into her nightdress and when I tried to push my way through, she squeaked like a rat. She was still a virgin. Her grandmother woke up and asked what had happened.
“No, it’s ok grannie, I think I was dreaming!” she lied to the grandma. The game went on so quietly and for fear of awakening the old woman again.
I had to leave very early in the morning; you know how those old women can wake up very early to go to their gardens. At about 5am, I left their house and went back to the stadium.

Akaa came at about 7am and she was too shy to speak to me let alone look at me. When we got back to Hoima, her father had been transferred to Luweero. That was the last I had seen of Akaa.
So recently, as I was driving to Masaka, I was stopped by a female cop because I was talking on phone while driving.
“Excuse me Afande, are you called Akaa?” I asked her. “I think we went to the same School, my name is Hyena” I continued. She burst out laughing and then narrated to me her life after they left Hoima.

“I felt used by you when you left for Luweero without even sending me a chit!” I told her.
“Are you still as sweet as the other night? You woman, you must have done something to me because after all this time, I still think about you and it feels like it was yesterday!” I told her.
She accused me of being the one who bewitched her because she felt exactly the same way I felt. She jumped into my van and decided to come with me to Masaka. We bought clothes from the nearest shop and she changed from her uniform. We checked into a lodge in Lukaya where we spent the night. We had so much to talk about and to do,we slept at about 5am.
When we woke up, I heard her thanking me, “thank you Hyena for keeping this sweetness.
We checked out at 10am and she boarded a coaster back to her station as I continued to Masaka.
Till then, I remain yours truly, the mighty Hyena.