Monday, 29 April 2013

I have ended up with a sex addict for a husband


Dear Drive Hot,
I met this man, a teacher, early in 1999 and moved in with him in January 2000. I was then pregnant, so I brought a girl from our village to help with household chores.
Two days later, she informed me that my “husband” had asked her to go to bed with him. When I asked him, he said he could deal with any woman, arguing that after all, we were not legally married. This hurt me but because I was carrying his child, I chose to stay.
I gave birth to a baby boy in October 2000 and thought this would bring some love to the family. However, neighbours would still warn me about his irresponsible sexual behaviour.
In May of 2001, he brought home a woman whom he said was his neighbour from upcountry. The woman left immediately after supper and he escorted her.
One night, he failed return home and his friends told me that he was seeing someone else whom he wanted to marry. I came to learn that he had spent the night at the woman’s place. We had a fight and I left.
The separation did not last long. I had no money and my son needed so much. I left his house in May but by July I had returned.
The ghost of this woman kept haunting my marriage and in July 2002, I left, this time vowing never to return.
In April 2004, he sent his elder brother to talk to me and I agreed to go back. He was transferred from the institution he was teaching in 2005 and life got better.
That was until I found out that I had new enemies. He started having an affair with a woman at the new school. He would even send airtime to her, yet my phone had none.
By that time I was pregnant with our second child. I gave birth in August 2008 and we moved from Limuru to Uthiru. Life became harder and he decided to start a taxi business in the evening after classes.
The business took off and so did his urge for women. One day, I saw a text from his “client” whom wanted to be picked up from her house. I followed and found him in bed with a woman I knew. He was naked and so was she.
I left the scene after a fight. When he came home, I refused to open the door and he sent an SMS saying he was going to kill himself. I notified his relatives who stay in Nairobi, but all they could tell me was “arume ni nyamu” (men are like animals). This hurt me but I promised to be strong. He later apologised but I did not forgive him.
We moved from Uthiru to Eastlands near his new school in Nairobi, this time with the promise that he was a changed man. The relationship with his colleague started again. I handled this with wisdom and it stopped.
During the Easter of 2012, we went for a retreat. On our way back, a happy couple, my house help called to tell me she was not coming back because my husband had been pestering her for sex. I was deeply hurt.
My husband was later involved in an accident that almost took his life. He was admitted to Nairobi Hospital. I used all my savings to pay the hospital bill and he came out a strong man. We even decided to legalise our union and the planning for the wedding began. But worse was in store.
I got a new house maid this February and last month, I travelled to Kabarak to see my niece. I came back and the house maid started crying. It turned out my husband had tried to have sex with her.
That was the worst day of my life. All through, I thought the man had changed. He explained that he had realised that he had a problem and had sought professional counselling, but it was a lie. I am so fed up and no longer want to live like this. I am currently a parallel student at the University of Nairobi and my son is sitting for his KCPE exams this year. Please advise before I go crazy.