Monday, 10 June 2013

He is cheating on me, so why can’t I cheat on him too?

A couple sharing a light moment. Photo/FILE
A couple sharing a light moment. Photo/FILE  

In Summary
I am a Christian but I am now contemplating backsliding and engaging in alcohol and extramarital affairs because it seems God has abandoned me. Please advise me on what to do. 


Dear Kitoto,
We married six years ago. That very year, he started cheating on me. After delivering our first-born daughter, I decided to go back to my parents despite being pregnant with my second child. He tried to convince me to go back and I refused. He decided to come with his parents, who, due to the pregnancy, convinced me to go back.
To cut a long story short, he once took the other woman to his mother. Our pastor tried to resolve the issue to no avail. What bothers me is that despite being in a rocky marriage, I decline all other men who approach me.
My husband is now 50 and I am 30. Is the age difference the problem, bearing in mind that the other woman is older than me? Family planning did not work for me and as I write this email, I am carrying another pregnancy.
I am a Christian but I am now contemplating backsliding and engaging in alcohol and extramarital affairs because it seems God has abandoned me. Please advise me on what to do. 
Desperate wife
Hi,
I believe that entering any dating or marriage relationship is a choice made by each of us. God gave us the power of choice, but we are accountable for the outcome of such choices. Your husband has made choices that present certain consequences. If he truly loves you, then his actions should show this.
I fear that you are tempted to react out of pain and frustration. When you act out of a desire to revenge and without a clear and sober mind concerning the consequences of your actions, you will be setting yourself up for further trouble. Two wrongs cannot make a right.
As a believer, you have a responsibility to act according to God’s word. First action is to bring the issue to the offender. It seems this is what you have done. Second is to bring the issue to the offender in the presence of another witness. If the offender does not repent, then the case should come before the church.
If the offender is rebellious, then there is nothing more you can do but to let them move according to their choices. Backsliding and engaging in alcohol will do nothing but destroy your future and that of your children.