Monday, 1 April 2013

SKILLED! - Hyena hooks neighbours wife

In 1996, I was living in a Muzigo (one roomed house). I had just come out of women related problems so I didn’t want date any woman till I found Miss Right.

However this didn’t go down well with my neighbours who always teased me calling me a jerk. Sometimes they would mock me saying I had been ‘knocked by sheep’. For a while, I kept cool; not minding whatever they said. Then one day some herbalists passed near our houses selling ‘Mukalakasa’ herbs.

Mbu these herbs are meant for men who don’t function or those that are generally weak. “Hyena, Hyena come and buy some,” Mamma Zaidi and her friends teased me. I defended myself by assuring them that I was OK and didn’t need such herbs. I told them that if they wanted to prove one of them should donate her sister to me.

“First come and show me a sample of what you will do to her,” Mrs. Juma said entering her house. “To me you are a worthless man. In fact you are a big loss to the female population and a disgrace to your family,” she added. I had been over provoked and I was beginning to lose my cool. Secondly, this had been my trick of hooking women for quite a long period and it had worked wonders.

You know when women see that you are not that much into them they try to find out if you can do anything and in the process you net them. So after daring me I followed her to her house. There was only a curtain separating the bedroom from the sitting room.

When I entered I found that she had drawn the curtains and pulled her dress up; exposing her thighs and knickers to me. “Hyena if you’re a man, come and prove it… or else start putting on a dress like a woman,” Mrs. Juma said. This woman was surely hell bent on mocking me and turning me into a laughing stock. However I couldn’t take that lying down. No; not me the Mighty Hyena.

On seeing her white knickers and brown thighs I got a lot of excitement in my trousers. This woman had underestimated what was awaiting her and she was in for a rude shock. And as they say when two raging fires meet they do consume the thing that feeds their fury. Before she could say a lot I jumped on her, “Wowe, Hyena is raping me,” she screamed as I kissed her.

When I stopped and made for the door she said, “I knew you wouldn’t do anything.” This time I went with full force and before she could understand I had finished what I wanted to do. “Don’t ever call me impotent,” I said as we rested on the bed. I woke up, dressed and left her exhausted like she had been taking the Olympic Torch around the world.

A month later, she gave birth to our daughter and what followed she dropped her husband’s name and started using her name Liz. Three years later, she went for Kyeyo but we kept in touch. When she came back she invited me for a belated birthday party.

“You know I was supposed to celebrate my birthday in the US but I didn’t want to celebrate without you,” she said. The venue was Emerald Hotel on Bombo Road. I found there a few guests, she warmly welcomed me and gave me a seat in the corner where she later joined me. As we talked she accused me of spoiling our girl by giving her a lot of freedom. “Why did you buy her a phone?” she asked.

At one point, she accused me of sleeping around by claiming that her intelligence had been updating her of everything I was doing. “Ssebo I cannot accept to be a co-wife to that Chotera woman and again allow you to sleep with every homeless rat in this city,” she angrily said. Remember this is the woman who used to think I was impotent.

At this point I realized what she wanted. So before other guests would arrive I ran to the reception and booked a room. I went back and called her to join me in room 47. “What’s there,” she inquisitively asked. “There are some of your old friends who want to meet you,” I replied.

When she reached in the room she asked, “Where are the people you said wanted to meet me.” I told her that my whopper was the one that wanted to meet her since it was missing her dearly. “This has been missing you,” I said tapping on why sex-cited whopper. “Kyoka Hyena, with all your women how can you miss me,” she said throwing herself in the sofa. Not so long we started kissing and one event led to the other.