In Summary
- Remember, when we make the choice to do what is right, many obstacles will come our way. Some of these are from those closest to us.
Dear Kitoto,
I am a staunch Christian and have been married for three years. My wife and I are blessed with a son aged two.
Before I married, I dedicated my life to
prayer and fasting, but after my marriage, the zeal I had for the things
of God is waning.
Pastor, immediately after our wedding, I
introduced Bible study and prayer sessions in the evening, given that my
wife was also a born-again Christian. However, a few months into our
marriage, I noticed that she was not keen on the prayers and Bible study
any more.
She would fall asleep as I prayed, or yawn
uncontrollably in the process of the study. She would explain that it
was because of a long and busy day at work.
I tried to get her involved by letting her do
the study or prayer at times. This, however, did not change the
situation. Surprisingly, although she appeared tired during the Bible
study, nothing stopped her from watching her favourite soaps late into
the night (11.30pm).
On one occasion, I started a 21-day prayer and
fasting for my family and for God to intervene. Halfway through the
fast, my wife picked a quarrel with me for something minor (in my
opinion). This discouraged me and I even considered ending the fast. I
continued with my prayers, but with a very heavy heart. I must confess
that I would skip my meals but end up not praying at all.
Since that day, my prayer life started going
down and I started feeling empty. We continued with our family prayer
times but with difficulties. Early in the year, I decided to stop them
altogether after my wife told me to pray quickly before her TV programme
started.
Our intimacy has also been affected. My wife
sleeps way past 11pm and spends her weekends in chamas and weddings,
only to come home late and tired. I told her that sex was important and
that lack of it could give room to the devil, but she accused me of
threatening her. I have never thought of cheating on her since the fear
of God is still in me. Moreover, I respect myself.
My wife does not like sex. I have to beg for
it, especially after many weeks. I am now contemplating taking a break
from my active positions in ministry since I feel so empty with nothing
to offer to any thirsty soul. Can I go ahead with the plan? What do you
advise me to do?
Frustrated husband
Hi,
When one spouse finds family devotions boring,
there is definitely something wrong. Could it be lack of time? This
seems not to be the real issue, as she would later engage in other
activities.
Also, it is one thing to have devotions and
another to practise what we read and believe to be God’s word to us. Are
there some inconsistencies in lifestyle that could have made her
rubbish the sharing of God’s word? Could she be facing issues with her
own spirituality.
As a couple, your relationship with God is
dependent on how each of you relates to the Almighty. Your faith in God
is a personal matter that has to be honoured regardless of fears,
persecution, rejections, and worries.
Remember, when we make the choice to do what is
right, many obstacles will come our way. Some of these are from those
closest to us. The quarrel with your wife in the middle of your fast
happened to strengthen your faith and journey.
When you change your attitude, you might just
realise that the many problems that were around you seem a lot more
diminished. So, put your faith in God, who is able to strengthen you and
show you what could change with focused praying.
Your wife could have been born-again when you were
dating and thereafter in marriage. However, my opinion is that she is
struggling with something that is affecting her connection with
spiritual matters in the home. 
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